he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
