Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
