there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just pee around me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
