I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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