Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize