hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
