Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
