I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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