Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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