my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
