It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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