Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
