bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
