yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
