I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
