So drunk its hurt
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
