I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
