he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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