Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
