OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
