its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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