He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
