She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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