He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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