i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
