K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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