walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
