There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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