hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
