I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
