Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
