you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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