i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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