Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the day after is always just damage control
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
