yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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