My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
