Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
