You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
