You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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