i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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