Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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