Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
