very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
