Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
