im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
