Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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