party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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