Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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