first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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