I'm eating all of the evidence.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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