i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the condom got lost in my hair
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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