Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
