Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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