so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
