I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How naked do you want me to be?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
