So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Porn is love you can see.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
