this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
