You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
