WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
