I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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