Redeem this text for a blowjob
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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