I accidentally burped into my bong.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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