my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
