I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
