I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
