I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
