I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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