i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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