sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
