omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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