A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
