Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
