i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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