So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
